Okay. I don't know if anyone is reading this any more and I don't blame you as it is usually a lot of time between posting but if you are reading this you know that I am a HUGE fiction reader. In fact I just arrived home from a 2 day "Baxter Family Reunion" that was hosted by Christian Fiction author, Karen Kingsbury.
Well, I have this theory about God sending me messages through the fiction books since He knows I struggle with reading non-fiction. I just finished a book and I wanted to print some of what the book said and how it seems to fit my feelings. It comes from a book called "Midnight Caller" by author Diane Burke. It is a Love Inspired Suspense book. I am typing this without thier permission but since I am not selling anything and I have given them full credit hopefully my blog won't get shut down. : ^ )
"...If I live my life afraid to love someone because they might die...or because they might leave...I'm going to live a lonely, empty life." It goes on to a couple of paragraphs expounding on that then takes up again with, "I realize those pieces of my heart are gone and can never be replaced. But I also realize the only way to protect my heart from pain of loss is to never love..." "And to never love...is the worst kind of death. God knows how important it is to love. He made it one of His greatest commandments."
So now I have to figure out how to take what He is showing me in a fiction book and do something about it.
Please pray that I take that and learn from it.
Thanks,
God Bless,
Karen
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Today and Tomorrow
I love the month of June. Summer is arriving but there are still days that are cool and the sky is beautiful. It also happens to be a month when there are a lot of birthday's of people I care about. It also happens to be the month I was born.
As I reflect on this past year I have realized some very wonderful things and some very heart breaking things. I have realized that I am blessed with many wonderful friends and family. People that I have been friends with but who have stepped up and been there in the hardest time of my adult life. I don't know, without God and without him bringing those people into my life, I would have EVER made it through the stuff that I have gone through. Has it been easy? NO!!! Have I made some bad choices on how I deal with things? OH YEA!!! But in all of that God still loves me and continues to bless me with amazing people.
A couple of the things that I have realized that have been heartbreaking is that tomorrow when I wake up will be the first time in 43 years that my mom has not called me or woken me up by singing happy birthday to me. I had no idea how sad that would make me. I also used to be embarrassed when she would send me flowers on my birthday to work because they came from my mom instead of a boyfriend or husband, now I really want those flowers to come tomorrow from her but I know that won't happen either. I also realized that for the first time in several years I will not get a birthday card from my grandma with lines drawn on the inside so that she writes her note in a straight line. And also that I won't get a gingerbread cake from Penny ever again. Several years ago I told her that when I was a little girl the babysitter we had after school would always have warm gingerbread cake and milk ready for my brother and I when we went to her house. That next birthday Penny made me a wonderful gingerbread cake. It is amazing how these small little things made such an impact on me. You wouldn't think they could but they did.
The other thing I am thinking of is that today would have been my friend, Terry's, 44 birthday. He was a year older than me but we were in the same grade because his mom held his older brother back and she didn't want them in the same class. Terry and I were only about 20 kids that went to the same middle and high school. We became very good friends and people called us laurel and hardy. It was so hard for us when we graduated from high school and realized that we wouldn't be going to school together any more. Terry went away to school first down in Tennessee to become a minister. I went a month later. The day I went to college I opened my mailbox and there was a letter from Terry. It was so special!!! That following spring, 1986, I got a call from a mutual friend telling me that Terry had drowned in a quarry in Tennessee. I was crushed. He was an amazing friend and person!!! I couldn't believe that Terry was gone. It has been 24 years and I still have a hard time believing that he is gone. Today, for some reason, this birthday of his seems to be hitting me harder than any in the past. Maybe because of everything that has happened.
So, as I turn older tomorrow at 10:52pm I will try to concentrate on the blessings that have been given to me and not dwell on the things that have broken my heart. The best part is that I know that I will someday see at least 3 of the 4 people again in heaven.
God Bless,
Karen
P.S. If you have a relationship with Christ can I ask you to pray for an unspoken prayer request? If not today would be a great day to come to a saving relationship with Christ. That prayer would be completely different but much more important and a much bigger blessing than the unspoken.
As I reflect on this past year I have realized some very wonderful things and some very heart breaking things. I have realized that I am blessed with many wonderful friends and family. People that I have been friends with but who have stepped up and been there in the hardest time of my adult life. I don't know, without God and without him bringing those people into my life, I would have EVER made it through the stuff that I have gone through. Has it been easy? NO!!! Have I made some bad choices on how I deal with things? OH YEA!!! But in all of that God still loves me and continues to bless me with amazing people.
A couple of the things that I have realized that have been heartbreaking is that tomorrow when I wake up will be the first time in 43 years that my mom has not called me or woken me up by singing happy birthday to me. I had no idea how sad that would make me. I also used to be embarrassed when she would send me flowers on my birthday to work because they came from my mom instead of a boyfriend or husband, now I really want those flowers to come tomorrow from her but I know that won't happen either. I also realized that for the first time in several years I will not get a birthday card from my grandma with lines drawn on the inside so that she writes her note in a straight line. And also that I won't get a gingerbread cake from Penny ever again. Several years ago I told her that when I was a little girl the babysitter we had after school would always have warm gingerbread cake and milk ready for my brother and I when we went to her house. That next birthday Penny made me a wonderful gingerbread cake. It is amazing how these small little things made such an impact on me. You wouldn't think they could but they did.
The other thing I am thinking of is that today would have been my friend, Terry's, 44 birthday. He was a year older than me but we were in the same grade because his mom held his older brother back and she didn't want them in the same class. Terry and I were only about 20 kids that went to the same middle and high school. We became very good friends and people called us laurel and hardy. It was so hard for us when we graduated from high school and realized that we wouldn't be going to school together any more. Terry went away to school first down in Tennessee to become a minister. I went a month later. The day I went to college I opened my mailbox and there was a letter from Terry. It was so special!!! That following spring, 1986, I got a call from a mutual friend telling me that Terry had drowned in a quarry in Tennessee. I was crushed. He was an amazing friend and person!!! I couldn't believe that Terry was gone. It has been 24 years and I still have a hard time believing that he is gone. Today, for some reason, this birthday of his seems to be hitting me harder than any in the past. Maybe because of everything that has happened.
So, as I turn older tomorrow at 10:52pm I will try to concentrate on the blessings that have been given to me and not dwell on the things that have broken my heart. The best part is that I know that I will someday see at least 3 of the 4 people again in heaven.
God Bless,
Karen
P.S. If you have a relationship with Christ can I ask you to pray for an unspoken prayer request? If not today would be a great day to come to a saving relationship with Christ. That prayer would be completely different but much more important and a much bigger blessing than the unspoken.
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