For so many years I watched my mom change into someone who was lonely, angry and depressed. I was so frustrated with her. Mad that she wouldn't get up and help herself. Well, as I am coming up on my 46th birthday, single, not a mom, almost to be homeless, broke, grotesquely obese and in a lot of pain I can almost empathize with her. I don't agree with it and I still wish she could have made the changes needed and I know that I have the same opportunity but it is really hard when you just don't feel like you are lovable or worth it.
My boss was trying to give me constructive critism today and I have been crying ever since because I feel like I can't even do that stuff right. And all I want to do is come home and have my husband take me in his arms, hold me and tell me that it will be okay and yet, I can't because my cat is the only one here.
I also was thinking that I don't have anyone to call and cry to because I complain all the time and I am tired of it so I am sure my friends are tired of it even more. I just feel so alone right now. I know that God is there but without having someone physically here it is hard.
Lord, I am so sorry that I am acting like this. I know you love me and that you only want the best for me. I just feel so alone right now. I know that in order to make the changes I need in my life then I have to trust you for my future even though to me it looks blank. I don't even know what my dreams are any more. I just pray that you will never give up on me and that you will help me through this period right now. I do love you and thank you for my life. You have a plan and I know this can be used. I just pray that I don't give up.
In Jesus' Name, Amen
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