I wrote the below today just to try to express some of what I am feeling during this crazy time. Since my last post the protesting, rioting and violence has escalated concerning the killing of George Floyd at the hands of 4 police officers.
What happened to Mr. Floyd was very wrong and I can see the point in that if it were not a police officer who had been involved the suspects would have all been arrested and be in jail right now. But because the prosecutors are looking at the videos and situation, they have only arrested the main officer who had his knee on Mr. Floyds neck. Justice needs to be, and I believe will, be served.
What I don't understand is that people are saying that they have to resort to the violence in order to be heard. To me that just reiterates the biases that people have towards the black community. The problem with this is that it is only a very small group of people who are committing these acts and some of them are white people trying to instigate the trouble. But it is causing those people who just want to be heard with a calm voice to be overshadowed. To not be heard. To be lumped into a negative limelight.
I have been so conflicted and just so troubled by all of this. I HATE conflict. (I think I might have mentioned this a few thousand times) and so I have wanted to speak up and share my thoughts but I know that no matter what I say there will be someone who doesn't like my thoughts or thinks I am for one side or the other.
Heck, I don't believe in same sex relationships but that doesn't mean that I don't love the people in my life who choose to go that direction. It also doesn't mean that I want them to be treated unfairly. Or harrassed.
I think abortion is wrong but that doesn't mean that I am going to go damage a clinic that does this procedure. It also doesn't mean that I'm going to hate a woman who chooses that.
I try to see both sides and give the people the benefit of the doubt. Even in this George Floyd situation. People are calling for murder 1 for the police officer. That means it was pre-meditated. My thought tends to run to the fact that the officer did not leave his house on the morning of May 25th thinking that today would be the day he kills a black man.
Or what about the person who goes to the party after work and has a couple of beers with his/her friends then gets in the car to drive home only to run the red light and kill that family who were just coming home from a day of fun? Did that driver plan on killing that family? Yep, their choice was the wrong one and they should have known not to drive but now they have to live with the fact they took those lives.
I want to believe that it does make a difference to those people. I don't know the thoughts of the police officer. Maybe he is just an evil person who has gotten away with things until it finally caught up to him but he doesn't really care. Maybe the person who drove the car could care less. Maybe the person who killed someone at point blank range really has no qualms about it. I just want to believe that they do.
I asked my pastor the other day a question. He was talking about doing things for God and not because we are trying to be a people pleaser in his message. I asked him in a private message how to know if you are doing something for the right reason. His response was that me just asking that question shows where my heart truly is.
I don't have the answers. I know that God needs to be at the forefront of whatever happens. I know that even in a small way, I have a voice and that I need to use it. God gave me a spirit of empathy. I need to figure out how to use that gift in a way that can help change the "I'm Tired"'s below. All I can say is I'll try.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Wow, you know my fears and idiosyncrasies better than I do. You know I am tired, you know I am scared, you know I am hurting and sad. These feelings, thoughts and fears are not new to you. You also keep reminding me that You have the answers. I just need to give them to you and trust that you love me enough to not leave me where I am at.
Lord, this world is out of control. It seems like you are going to be coming soon and yet I am afraid to leave. I want to spend eternity with you but I am also caught up in this world. Lord, please change my heart. Help me to desire you more. Help me to trust that even though this world is crazy right now you love us despite us and will be glorified through this.
Thank you Lord for putting up with me. For loving me even though I feel unlovable. And thank you for sending your Son so that I don't have to be afraid.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
I’M TIRED
· I’m tired of seeing men and women like George Floyd be killed at the hands of corrupt police
· I’m tired of seeing good police being targeted
· I’m tired of seeing stories of little children being shot and killed by random bullets being fired.
· I’m tired of hearing stories of people of all color losing their businesses due to rioting and looting
·
I’m tired of police officer’s families being targeted
in retaliation for something that the officer and his family had nothing to do
with.
· I’m tired of hearing about firefighters and paramedics being attacked when all they are trying to do is save a life
· I’m tired of hearing excuses of oppression and inequality for using violence to get a point across
· I’m tired of seeing hate groups treating others of all nationalities and religions with violence
· I’m tired of feeling like I have to apologize for being born white
· I’m tired of hearing about intercity violence
· I’m tired of hearing about “white collar” men and women cheating people out of money because of their greed.
· I’m tired of people taking advantage of systems meant to help for their personal gain
· I’m tired of seeing our military veterans living on the streets because there isn’t help out there.
· I’m tired of hearing about suicides by our military and police and fire because they feel they have no other options.
· I’m tired of seeing some people in the sports and entertainment spotlight treating others like they are worthless and using their platform to advocate violence and hatred
· I’m tired of seeing the “left” and the “right” fighting each other so hard that they are not listening to each other and trying to make this country better.
· I’m tired of waking up to see another police officer has lost his/her life just because of his/her profession.
· I’m tired of seeing so many people dying from drug overdoses
· I’m tired of drug dealers taking advantage of the young and vulnerable.
· I’m tired of hearing about our children dying by suicide because they are being bullied or just feel lost and don’t know how to get help.
· I’m tired of seeing my friends who are educators working 50-60 hours a week and using their own money to help our next generation only to be paid very little and be hit or screamed at by not only students but also by parents.
· I’m tired of parents trying to be their childrens friend
· I’m tired of seeing young people acting like they are owed the world
· I’m tired of God being removed from our schools and government
· I’m tired of not taking responsibility for our own actions
· I’m tired of the blame game
· I’m tired of not having the answers
· I’m tired of this world needing God back in it but denying Him or blaming Him for our choices.
· I’m tired of being tired
Karen Lovett 6-2-20 in the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic and severe rioting due to the killing of George Floyd
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