A week ago I was sitting around thinking of my relationship with mom. Mostly about the fact that I would get so frustrated with her because she wouldn't fight for herself. I was willing to come along side of her and help her fight but she had to be the one to want to make the choices to get better. Then I realized that I was doing the same thing. No one can fight for me to lose this weight, get healthy and open my heart to love.
So, last week I was doing okay. Not great but better. By Saturday I had lost 3 pounds of the 109 I had gained back. But this week I am struggling again. It hit me today why. Satan continues to tell me that I am not worth the fight. I don't feel lovable on the level that I crave. I want that intimate level of love but he continues to tell me that I am not lovable and never will be no matter what I do. And the thing that really makes me mad is that I let his voice overpower Christ's. I know in my head that I am a child of God's and that He sent His son to die on the cross for me but for some reason I struggle with believing that I could be lovable.
Dear Heavenly Father, I need you to please step in and help me to fight the pull of Satan's negative words. Help me to focus on the fact that you love me no matter what and that you did make me special and in your image and that I am lovable. That I am not worthless. I know that kids love me and that the church family you brought to me love me and even when I don't hear from my family, that they love me too but my heart aches so much for that intimate love of a husband and wife and yet I continue to believe that it will never happen. Lord, I believe that you gave me this desire so you must have something so special coming up. Please help me to turn this over to you.
In Jesus' Name, Amen
God Bless,
Karen
