Crazy Times in 2020

What in the world is happening?  This year was supposed to be filled with so many fun memories.  New decade, new time in America.

Enter the Coronavirus.  COVID-19.  A highly contagious respiratory infection that has literally shut down the world.  Not Grove City, not Columbus, not Ohio, not even the United States but the world.  There are people dying from this virus.  There are area's that stopped doing anything for months.  We are on week 4 or 5 at this point.  I have lost count. 

I am considered an "essential" employee because I am the Office Manager for a plumbing company.  There are so many who don't have jobs right now. 

So, what does this post have to do with weight loss?  Well, this time is really playing a huge part on my emotions.  I have been eating a lot of unhealthy foods lately.  Not in just small amounts but in large amounts.  I ate 8 donuts in one sitting last week.  8!!!!  That is just one of the examples.  I am so frustrated with myself.

Today it kind of hit me as to why.  I am struggling with guilt.  Kind of like survivors guilt.  I get to get up everyday at the same time.  Go into an office and shut the door and basically stay away from most contact.  I am not on the front lines.  I am not a nurse, doctor or medical professional.  I am not a first responder.  I don't work for a restaurant or a grocery store.  I can limit my contact with people. 

Why do I get to still work when others who don't have control over their environment have to face this risk of this virus?  Why do I get to still have a paycheck coming in when there are so many who are facing financial heartbreak? 

No, I don't want this virus.  No, I don't want to have to worry about finances.  No, I don't want to have to give up the freedoms that I am still able to have.  I so appreciate everything that I have and every opportunity that I have right now.  I just don't know how to let go of this guilt that I'm experiencing. 

Has my life been interrupted?  Sure, I can't go to a restaurant and sit down to eat a meal.  I can't order curbside pickup from Giant Eagle or Kroger and be able to pick it up tonight.  (The wait is 4-5 days).  I can't go to church on Sunday or Bible Study on Sunday nights.  But so what.  I still get to watch church on Sunday's via Facebook.  I am alive, healthy (except my weight) and I have so much. 

I don't know how to stop the guilt thoughts.  I want to help people but physically I struggle with going to the store for myself let alone for others.  I struggle with cleaning for myself so I know I would struggle with cleaning for others.  The people who need the friends or companionship right now are the ones who are most susceptible to getting this virus.  It stinks!!! 

Heavenly Father,
Please end this virus or contain it soon.  Please don't let us go back to "normal" as this time of self-isolation has allowed people to be still.  It has also helped our world "clean" up a little.  Smog is better, blue skies are shining for the first time in a long time in places like India and animals are learning how to relive in their environment.  But help us to be able to get back to gathering as groups.  Worshipping, spending time together.  Help people who have lost jobs be able to work again.  Lord, help us to know you are in control.  Change hearts to help people make the decisions that are for the good of the people and not for their own gain. 
And Lord, I ask that you would just help those of us who are kind of in the middle.  We are considered essential but I am sure I am not the only one who feels it.  Help us to not get lost in our, I don't even know the way to describe it, feelings of being needed but in the grand scheme of things, not really feeling like those who are truly essential.  And finally Lord, I just ask that you would protect those who are on the front lines.  Lord, give them the tools they need to stay safe and healthy.  Give them the knowledge to be able to treat the people that need the help. 
In Jesus' name, Amen.