Insight

Okay, I have been working with a counselor for the last couple of months. I really like him because he is not just focusing on one area of my obesity. He is digging deep and trying to help me with the lies that I have learned over the years. Most nights I end up crying. Tonight was especially hard. There are so many things that go back to my dad walking out of my life after making a lot of promises to me when I was 8. Also, my mom having her own issues that she didn't know how to deal with so there was not a lot of what a child needs to help them grow up strong and confident. I love my mom and I know that she did the best she could so I am not saying that she was a bad mom. There are just some things that I would have loved for her to do differently that would have probably helped my brother and I both to grow as strong people. Well, at the end of each session my counselor prays. That is the biggest thing that I like about him. Tonight he prayed again for God to open my eyes to see the truth behind the lies. The "I'm not good enough", "Something must be wrong with me", "I am a failure so why try", "everyone will leave me so I better not let them get too close" and so many more. Well, as I was driving home God layed something on my heart. There are so many of us who ask "why?" I question why my dad had to leave, why my mom couldn't be stronger, why other things happen but then as I was thinking of things, it dawned on me that maybe He has allowed these things to happen in my life because He believes that, with His help, I am strong enough to handle it. What an insight. Maybe He continues to not even open some doors or windows in area's of my life that I want so that I can realize, first, that he is not like my earthly father or mom. I don't know if that is it but I sure do thank him for showing me that little bit. Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this counselor that you brought into my life. Thank you for his listening to me and wanting to not just help me for a little while but to try to get to the reasons behind my food addiction and wanting to make it a change that will last. Thank you for showing me different things. Thank you for revealing things clearly to me. This insight tonight was very clear. Thank you that with your help I can overcome this addiction. I can become the woman you created me to be. Lord, I am scared. I have never known a healthy weight, I have never known a healthy confidence. Please continue to be with me and my counselor as we continue to explore my reasons. Please help my eyes and ears to be open and to not make excuses but to accept the part that I have had in this addiction and to be able to forgive those who have hurt me or let me down (even if they didn't but I felt like they did in a little childs mind) and especially, help me to forgive myself. Each day is a choice and Lord, I want those choices to be what you would want for me. Please make them clear. In Jesus' Name, Amen