Clayton's Wedding?

Just typing that title makes me feel really old!!!!  Clayton is not old enough to get married.  If you don't know who Clayton is then you have missed out.  He is my oldest "nephew" and my fellow Steeler fan.  I have known his mom since she was 14 years old and held Clayton in the hospital when he was only a few hours old.

Now he is dating a wonderful young lady named Rachel.  They are both in their very early 20's so I guess they are old enough to talk marriage.  Clayton has mentioned that he would like to get married in August of 2014.  That is 17 months away.  Now, I know in most of my posts lately I have talked about goals and dreams and stuff.  I am still struggling with these areas.  This, however, does give me a reason to want to try to lose the weight.  It also gives me a goal date.  17 months is just about the right amount of time for me to lose the weight I need to be healthy.  I would love to be able to have one of his brother's walk escort me down to the family section and feel good about how I looked and also because I was able to walk without pain. 

So, I will try to keep you updated and if you can tell me how the time passed so quickly I would really appreciate it. 

Not even sure what to title this

For so many years I watched my mom change into someone who was lonely, angry and depressed. I was so frustrated with her. Mad that she wouldn't get up and help herself. Well, as I am coming up on my 46th birthday, single, not a mom, almost to be homeless, broke, grotesquely obese and in a lot of pain I can almost empathize with her. I don't agree with it and I still wish she could have made the changes needed and I know that I have the same opportunity but it is really hard when you just don't feel like you are lovable or worth it.

My boss was trying to give me constructive critism today and I have been crying ever since because I feel like I can't even do that stuff right. And all I want to do is come home and have my husband take me in his arms, hold me and tell me that it will be okay and yet, I can't because my cat is the only one here.

I also was thinking that I don't have anyone to call and cry to because I complain all the time and I am tired of it so I am sure my friends are tired of it even more. I just feel so alone right now. I know that God is there but without having someone physically here it is hard.

Lord, I am so sorry that I am acting like this. I know you love me and that you only want the best for me. I just feel so alone right now. I know that in order to make the changes I need in my life then I have to trust you for my future even though to me it looks blank. I don't even know what my dreams are any more. I just pray that you will never give up on me and that you will help me through this period right now. I do love you and thank you for my life. You have a plan and I know this can be used. I just pray that I don't give up.

In Jesus' Name, Amen