Talk about prayers answered

Tomorrow is the weigh-in for a program that Lori suggested that she, Polly, Crystal and I join. It is another 10 week program. Okay, Lord, you have given me yet another chance to lose this weight. This time it isn't all about me. There are 3 other women who will be affected by my choices these next ten weeks. So, I did my taxes earlier this week and found out that I get over $1,000 back. Now, I have a few bills to catch up so that won't leave a lot but I have been thinking of doing the personal training at the gym. But it is $300 for 6 weeks. So, tonight I went for my last supper (I know, if I am truly ready to lose weight I would start now and not tomorrow - that is another post I am sure). So, I prayed on my way home to ask if God thought it might be a good idea for the personal training. I stopped at my mailbox and got my mail. There was a letter from my Uncle. It had a final check in it from my grandma's estate. It is well enough over to cover the cost of the training and getting completely caught up on my bills when combined with my paycheck this week and the income tax.

So, I am going to talk to Josh at the gym. I trust him because he has been there since the beginning of my gym experience. He is the one who called me over when I started the first biggest loser back in 2008. He knows about my shoulder, he knows about my achilles tendon surgery, he knows about my bad knees and yet he still knows how to encourage and push at the same time. Please pray that he is available the days that I am and can be my trainer. I am excited to get this started but scared that I will blow it again.

So, that is my answered prayer.

God Bless,
Karen

Opportunities

Okay, here is what has been going on. The Biggest Loser started back in January and finished last night. I went to exactly 2 weeks worth of classes. We started the "Biggest Winner" at work 2 weeks ago, I have gained 3 pounds. Lori came to me yesterday at church and said that she wanted me to be on her team along with Polly and Crystal for a 10 week challenge. That starts Sunday.

Please pray that I get moving in the right direction. Now there will be 3 other people who are relying on me as well as myself. I am scared to death.

I started counseling Tuesday night. I was crying the first 2 minutes into the session. There is so much that I need to work on with my counselor's and God's help. He seemed to ask questions that the person I went to in '09 for a few months didn't. I am pretty excited to see where this goes. One of the things that he mentioned is that he has a plan that works towards the a non-relapse. I can't wait to get started on that.

Well, we will see how it goes...

God Bless,
Karen

UUUUGGGGGHHHHHH

Okay, you are probably wondering why I titled this post the way I did. Well, I don't know why I continue to sabotage myself. I am so frustrated!!! God continues to give me openings and direction to lose this weight and I continue to say, "thanks but no thanks". I have not totally gone overboard on my eating, though I am still making bad choices but I have not been to workout since last Tuesday night. Not this past Tuesday but the Tuesday before!!!

Why do I continue to make excuses for not working out, or not eating right or not paying my bills on time or letting my house become a disaster. I have come home tonight and sat here on the couch playing on the computer. I have a blister on my big toe so that is the "reason" I couldn't possibly go workout tonight.

Dear Heavenly Father, you know my heart and you know that I am struggling so badly to want to do what is right and what you ask of me but fighting you every step of the way. Please do not give up on me. I do love you and I do want to get healthy. Please help me to see what is causing me to make all these excuses and to constantly tell myself that I don't deserve to lose weight. Lord, I am so frustrated and angry with myself because I know what I need to do and I know that I need to truly turn this over to you but if I let go than that will be be another area of my life that I am not "in control of" even though staying this way I am more out of control than I ever would be trusting you for this. Lord, I am so sorry I am disappointing you. Thank you for loving me dispite my negativity and constant feeling sorry for myself attitude. I don't even really know how to pray. I have asked you so many times to help and you continually try to help me but I continue to push you away. Well, thanks Lord. Love, Karen Amen