Okay, you are probably wondering why I titled this post the way I did. Well, I don't know why I continue to sabotage myself. I am so frustrated!!! God continues to give me openings and direction to lose this weight and I continue to say, "thanks but no thanks". I have not totally gone overboard on my eating, though I am still making bad choices but I have not been to workout since last Tuesday night. Not this past Tuesday but the Tuesday before!!!
Why do I continue to make excuses for not working out, or not eating right or not paying my bills on time or letting my house become a disaster. I have come home tonight and sat here on the couch playing on the computer. I have a blister on my big toe so that is the "reason" I couldn't possibly go workout tonight.
Dear Heavenly Father, you know my heart and you know that I am struggling so badly to want to do what is right and what you ask of me but fighting you every step of the way. Please do not give up on me. I do love you and I do want to get healthy. Please help me to see what is causing me to make all these excuses and to constantly tell myself that I don't deserve to lose weight. Lord, I am so frustrated and angry with myself because I know what I need to do and I know that I need to truly turn this over to you but if I let go than that will be be another area of my life that I am not "in control of" even though staying this way I am more out of control than I ever would be trusting you for this. Lord, I am so sorry I am disappointing you. Thank you for loving me dispite my negativity and constant feeling sorry for myself attitude. I don't even really know how to pray. I have asked you so many times to help and you continually try to help me but I continue to push you away. Well, thanks Lord. Love, Karen Amen
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