Wow, 2009 started off very hard with the diagnosis of cancer for Penny. If you don't know exactly who Penny is she is part of a family that I have known since I was 15 years old and who, in the last 20 years, has adopted me. I spend most of my holidays with them, I go to as many of the birthday's as I can. Her parents where there when the doctor told me that he was unable to save my mom.
The year was then followed by my mom's health declining. Especially during the last 4 months of the year.
Well, as you know, mom passed away on December 16, 2009 so I was hoping that 2010 would be better. So far it has not been that way. Two weeks ago they put my grandma, who was 101, into a nursing home. She had lived alone since my grandpa passed away 12 years ago. This past Wednesday I got the phone call that she had passed away. It is so hard to be sad for the loss of someone who had lived 101 years. She is my Grandma and I will miss her but I am so thankful that I had her in my life for so long. There are not many who can have that opportunity.
So, Penny has been fighting this cancer for over a year now. She was doing great until July. In July they did a surgery on the scar from her c-section. When in there they saw more cancer but were unable to remove it. Two weeks later she started having pain and her system was not processing food correctly. Finally in November she went in to the hospital and they found a blockage in her colon. They decided to do a colostomy to remove the blockage. It seemed that it was from the radiation but they found a tumor too so they removed it. A few weeks later, even before she had recovered from the first surgery she started having problems again, this time in her small intestines. She went back in and had surgery to remove that tumor and put a bag on her small intestines. It seems like the next day she started experiencing nausea and vomiting and has been in the hospital more than she has been home. She spent Thanksgiving and part of Christmas in the hospital (she was allowed to come home for Christmas day). She went back in 1 1/2 weeks ago and is still there.
The heart breaking part is that basically there doesn't seem to be anything else they can do. She is on a nutrition thing but that is actually hurting her so they may need to stop it. It is the only thing that is keeping her alive right now. When I went by on Tuesday to spend time with her she seemed to be doing so much better. She was eating and sitting up and looked great. Then they decided to do another test with barium. The barium didn't go anywhere, not her stomach, not her bags, nowhere. After that time she has gotten really bad with the nausea and sickness again. She can't eat anything.
I know that God can work a miracle and maybe He is waiting until everyone steps back and then He will step in and show his power and heal her. He also may choose to take her home. She is a wife (her anniversary of 7 years is this Monday) and a mother of 4 of the most beautiful children. It is just so hard to understand. I have no one that is counting on me, no husband, no children and not even my mom is here. I sometimes wonder why God chooses someone like Penny and not someone who isn't needed or loved so much. (I am not trying to say I am not loved or needed but I wouldn't be leaving a family like hers behind) Maybe He knows what a testimony and impact someone like Penny will have and has had so far on so many? There are 254 people in her Facebook group. There are many more who are praying for her and the family. When we would get down, she is the one who encourages us.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for being here for all of us. You know my heart and you know how broken it is right now. I am struggling so hard not to give up on you working that miracle but as a person who has lost so many friends and family I am really not doing well with this. Thank you for loving me dispite my uncertainty, fear and lack of faith. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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