New Revelation

Well, if you have been reading my blog for a few months you will remember I talked about my journey taking on a bigger thing. Well, since I wrote that I have been stuck!!! So, I will talk about my journey a little. My journey may end up in an Inspirational magazine. Now, since I have spoken with this magazine, as I have said, I have stopped losing and have been going between 95-102 pounds lost. I haven't been able to get below the 102 pound mark.

This has been going on since the first of July. I am now 12 days away from my 1 year anniversary of this journey. Have I gotten scared? Have I hit the point I was afraid of hitting where I start off things strong and then don't follow through. Again, I am not going to give up but I am obviously STILL struggling.

I think this whole magazine thing has me so freaked out. The main thing I wanted out of writing this journey was to help one person be able to overcome his/her eating struggles. This magazine would give me that opportunity. But, if you all know me well, I am so freaked out about expectations. If I can accomplish this then people will expect more from me and then when I fail (I know, negative thinking AGAIN), people will say, "See, I knew you couldn't do it." or leave me like has happened in the past. If I go ahead and fail then I will be the one in "control" of the situation. The problem is that I am so NOT IN CONTROL.

I don't want them to give up on me for the story. I would love for them to still do that article on me. I know right now I am not doing so well on my journey as far as the weight loss but just think, when I make it through this struggle it will help make the journey even more real to others. I know that I am not the first or the last person to struggle with this and I thank God for that reminder. If through all this He can be glorified then even this part of the journey will be worth it. Probably even more since if I lost it all quickly I would probably take it for granted.

Okay, I am rambling. I need to follow up on the previous post and go spend time in His word. Thanks for once again listening.

God bless,
Karen

P.S. another thing that happened was last week a girl at work said that she would love to set me up with her brother-she could have been saying that in the heart of the discussion we were having but... To most of you that wouldn't be a big deal. To me that was HUGE. There has only been one other person who even mentioned trying to set me up with someone and unfortunatly the person they wanted to fix me up with had as many emotional and physical challenges that I had. So, for someone to believe in me enough to want to set me up with her brother was amazing. That scared me to death too. Unless God says it will, I don't see it happening since the poor guy is 15 1/2 years younger than me but the thought was so humbling and flattering.