Have you ever wanted to be able to sit down face to face with God and ask Him all kinds of questions? I know that we can do that through prayer and I am not discounting that at all!!! With my Salvation and Christ's death on the cross that line of communication was open to me and I am so thankful for that. I just wish that I could hear His answers to some questions verbally from His mouth. I pray I am not saying anything wrong. That would be one of my questions. Why do I have so much trouble communicating with people? Here are some of my other questions:
1. I know you made me the way that you did but I wonder how my being overly sensative can be used to glorify you? All is seems to do is alienate my co-workers and I end up in tears.
2. Why do I dwell on things for days instead of letting them go? Even if the problem has been resolved with another person I hold on to the anger or frustration, etc for days on end.
3. Why do I fight you when you have given me all the tools I would ever need to lose weight and become healthy? Am I wanting to lose weight for the wrong reasons?
4. Why do I dwell on the negative of things especially when it comes to me or my immediate family instead of trusting that You are in control and I don't need to "handle" it by myself?
There are many more questions but those are a few that stick out in my mind.
God Bless,
Karen
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Looking around
It just kind of hit me that July will be over Saturday. Somehow I missed the email from my friend Megan on the 25th reminding me that there was only 5 months until Christmas.
Anyway, I have been taking the vitamin suppliments for almost 2 weeks now and I haven't missed a dose. There have been a couple of times I took them late but have done well. I have also not had a Soda in 5 days. Do you know how hard that has been? McDonald's has all their beverages on sale for $1.00 right now. But, alas, I have not had any.
Food wise I am still struggling. Everything food wise I have learned over the years about losing weight has shifted since I went to this Integrative Medicine doctor. What I thought was good for me to lose weight they are saying is not good because it has too much Omega-6 in it. Or with a potato I should eat it with butter and sourcream so that the potato doesn't break down so quickly and turn right to sugar. Then it says I should eat more complex carbs but then I'm told that I shouldn't eat breads and pasta's and things. I AM SO CONFUSED.
I have been to the gym 2 times this week. I only did 6 miles on the stationary bike on Tuesday and I did arm exercises, 4 miles on the bike and got in the hottub last night. I am still frustrated with my shoulder. I wanted to see how it did when I did the arms. It hurts today but not too bad.
My friend had her surgery last week and is slowly feeling better but they found more spots in her stomach area then they thought. And her doctor is perplexed since none of the cancer showed up on the PET Scan. I don't know how the biopsy turned out on the other areas. I pray it turns out with some good news.
Another busy weekend planned. Don't think I will get to the gym but I am trying to go to the farmer's market on Saturday and walking around there might help with some exercise. Then Putt Putt Saturday night. Should be fun.
Well, that is kind of where I am at. Last year I had just hit my 100 pound weight loss mark and was so excited to see where things went. This year has been a really hard part of my journey. Between my friend's cancer, my mom's health and my brother and sister-in-law basically shutting us out of their lives it has been trying. I want so badly to lose the rest of this weight but am struggling a lot and don't know what it is going to take to get me there. Please continue to pray. I know you do and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. With God and your prayers I will get there.
God Bless,
Karen
Anyway, I have been taking the vitamin suppliments for almost 2 weeks now and I haven't missed a dose. There have been a couple of times I took them late but have done well. I have also not had a Soda in 5 days. Do you know how hard that has been? McDonald's has all their beverages on sale for $1.00 right now. But, alas, I have not had any.
Food wise I am still struggling. Everything food wise I have learned over the years about losing weight has shifted since I went to this Integrative Medicine doctor. What I thought was good for me to lose weight they are saying is not good because it has too much Omega-6 in it. Or with a potato I should eat it with butter and sourcream so that the potato doesn't break down so quickly and turn right to sugar. Then it says I should eat more complex carbs but then I'm told that I shouldn't eat breads and pasta's and things. I AM SO CONFUSED.
I have been to the gym 2 times this week. I only did 6 miles on the stationary bike on Tuesday and I did arm exercises, 4 miles on the bike and got in the hottub last night. I am still frustrated with my shoulder. I wanted to see how it did when I did the arms. It hurts today but not too bad.
My friend had her surgery last week and is slowly feeling better but they found more spots in her stomach area then they thought. And her doctor is perplexed since none of the cancer showed up on the PET Scan. I don't know how the biopsy turned out on the other areas. I pray it turns out with some good news.
Another busy weekend planned. Don't think I will get to the gym but I am trying to go to the farmer's market on Saturday and walking around there might help with some exercise. Then Putt Putt Saturday night. Should be fun.
Well, that is kind of where I am at. Last year I had just hit my 100 pound weight loss mark and was so excited to see where things went. This year has been a really hard part of my journey. Between my friend's cancer, my mom's health and my brother and sister-in-law basically shutting us out of their lives it has been trying. I want so badly to lose the rest of this weight but am struggling a lot and don't know what it is going to take to get me there. Please continue to pray. I know you do and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. With God and your prayers I will get there.
God Bless,
Karen
Monday, July 20, 2009
New Directions
Okay, so about 6 weeks ago I went to a seminar that a local Integrative Medicine doctor held. What this doctor does is take your blood work and then look to see what is out of balance - either too high or too low - and then put you on suppliments and dietary changes to get your system in balance so that it can do what it is supposed to do.
So, I had my 1 on 1 appointment with him last Friday. I have been having stomach issues lately and when I talked to him about what areas I wanted to work on, weight loss, IBS, Aching Muscles/body and PMDD, the first thing he told me was that I had Celiac's disease. Normally he puts people who are obese on Magnisium but with Celiac's disease you can't take that or it will just increase the problem. Also, he ran a full CBC on me and sent the results on Saturday. Seems there is a thing called a SED rate. The high for this is supposed to be 2.0 and mine is 2.5 and a C Reactive Protein which the high is supposed to be 3.0 and mine is 7.5. Both of these things are to show inflammation in the body. Okay, so now I have proof that my shoulder really is bothering me!!! My blood work says so.
Anyway, with his program I am on 1 Magnisium/Calcium/Zinc, 1 Fish Oil and 2 Cinnamon tablets 7 times a day, 1 b vitamin time release tablet 5 times a day and 1 multi vitamin once a day. I have created a system of little snack bags with the appropriate times a day to take the pills and have done really well so far. The other thing is no chicken or turkey because they are high in Omega 6 and no banana's, kiwi or a few other fruits because they are high in latex. The weird thing is that all the "diet" things I have learned are being challenged. For instance, they say if you eat a baked potatoe you should add butter and sour cream because the potatoe is very high in carbs that it turns directly into sugar so if it has the fat product then it will take longer to break down in your system. Also, they say I can eat 1 serving of icecream each night and it won't hurt anything. Kind of scary, huh?
So, we will see how this works. I go back in 3 months and I will see what they say then. 2 days down with the pills, the next three months to go.
God Bless,
Karen
So, I had my 1 on 1 appointment with him last Friday. I have been having stomach issues lately and when I talked to him about what areas I wanted to work on, weight loss, IBS, Aching Muscles/body and PMDD, the first thing he told me was that I had Celiac's disease. Normally he puts people who are obese on Magnisium but with Celiac's disease you can't take that or it will just increase the problem. Also, he ran a full CBC on me and sent the results on Saturday. Seems there is a thing called a SED rate. The high for this is supposed to be 2.0 and mine is 2.5 and a C Reactive Protein which the high is supposed to be 3.0 and mine is 7.5. Both of these things are to show inflammation in the body. Okay, so now I have proof that my shoulder really is bothering me!!! My blood work says so.
Anyway, with his program I am on 1 Magnisium/Calcium/Zinc, 1 Fish Oil and 2 Cinnamon tablets 7 times a day, 1 b vitamin time release tablet 5 times a day and 1 multi vitamin once a day. I have created a system of little snack bags with the appropriate times a day to take the pills and have done really well so far. The other thing is no chicken or turkey because they are high in Omega 6 and no banana's, kiwi or a few other fruits because they are high in latex. The weird thing is that all the "diet" things I have learned are being challenged. For instance, they say if you eat a baked potatoe you should add butter and sour cream because the potatoe is very high in carbs that it turns directly into sugar so if it has the fat product then it will take longer to break down in your system. Also, they say I can eat 1 serving of icecream each night and it won't hurt anything. Kind of scary, huh?
So, we will see how this works. I go back in 3 months and I will see what they say then. 2 days down with the pills, the next three months to go.
God Bless,
Karen
Monday, July 6, 2009
Just blogging because....
I got a card from a dear friend yesterday that was a real encouragement. She said basically that I was "taking a break" from the weightloss. That sure was a nice way to put that fact that I have just been really bad!!!!!!
Today has been okay so far. I am getting ready for lunch so we will see. I got out chicken breast for dinner tonight.
I have not been to the gym in almost 3 weeks. Every night I have had something going on and the medicine I was taking really messed up my stomach so I was afraid to go. I feel better today so I am going to try tonight. I do have to have an MRI tomorrow morning though because my shoulder is still bothering me a lot. We will see what happens.
Just keep praying and don't give up on me. I will get back to it by giving over to God and not taking it back. Easier said than done but...
God Bless,
Karen
Today has been okay so far. I am getting ready for lunch so we will see. I got out chicken breast for dinner tonight.
I have not been to the gym in almost 3 weeks. Every night I have had something going on and the medicine I was taking really messed up my stomach so I was afraid to go. I feel better today so I am going to try tonight. I do have to have an MRI tomorrow morning though because my shoulder is still bothering me a lot. We will see what happens.
Just keep praying and don't give up on me. I will get back to it by giving over to God and not taking it back. Easier said than done but...
God Bless,
Karen
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Keeping this attitude
Epiphany (Feeling) the sudden realization or comprehension of the essence or meaning of something. That is what happened to me a few minutes ago. I have tried for the last 30 years to not be like my mom. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom very much but the decisions she has made my entire life have negatively affected all around her and especially her. She basically stopped living when I was 12 years old. She used my brother and me as her reasoning why she couldn't do anything. She also has relied on us as her sole emotional and pretty much physical support that time as well.
Because of the victim mentality that she and most in our family, have displayed she is now in a situation where, unless I am available to do things for her, she is completely alone all the time. All day. She doesn't work, she can't walk very well, she uses oxygen most of the day because her lungs are bad from smoking basically since she was 15 and she isn't involved in anything.
I am not writing this to speak badly about my mom. She raised two children with no financial help from my dad. We had a roof over our head and food on the table most of the time. I am writing this because, though I don't want to make the same life decisions that she has made I have found that I am doing the same thing she has done. She even pointed it out to me this afternoon on the phone which caused the Epiphany.
I will be 42 in 2 days, I have never had a relationship with anyone, I let my house stay dirty and use that as an excuse to not have people over, I spend money on food and then complain that I can't save any money because I will have to give it to my mom or whatever if I tried to save it anyway so what is the point? I stay obese because I see that I am a lot like my mom in my choices and believe that that makes me unlovable. My family has the victim mentality. We all want someone to solve our problems for us. We want someone else to be our emotional happiness.
You know what? That is impossible!!!!! The only one who can choose to make things different and who can solve our problems is us and only with the help of God. If I don't want to end up alone and afraid of life when I am older then I have to make the decision RIGHT NOW to make the changes that need to be done. If that, then, brings continued weight loss, financial stability and a better social life then that will be a great benefit but the most important thing will be that I am doing what God created me to do. I will be taking care of what he gave me both physically and materially (is that a word?).
So, for this minute I am going to choose to do what I need to do to get healthy and clean my house and if that brings people over then that will be great. I am scared and I know that this battle will be hard and I know that my mentality is what will hold me back. I pray that with God's help, I can do this and with your prayers I know it will work as well.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for eye opening moments. I know that I can't change mom and I pray for the strength to make it through the times when she rely's on me alone for her emotional and physical needs. I want to be a good daughter and a good help for her but I know that it is really hard when I don't see her wanting to do her part. Please help her to come to know you and want to seek you out. Thank you for not giving up on me or anyone else. I do love you and I know that I have a hard time showing it. I pray for the minute by minute strength it will take to make better choices and to not give up. Help me to be an example to not only mom but the rest of my family as well. In Jesus' Name, Amen
God Bless,
Karen
Because of the victim mentality that she and most in our family, have displayed she is now in a situation where, unless I am available to do things for her, she is completely alone all the time. All day. She doesn't work, she can't walk very well, she uses oxygen most of the day because her lungs are bad from smoking basically since she was 15 and she isn't involved in anything.
I am not writing this to speak badly about my mom. She raised two children with no financial help from my dad. We had a roof over our head and food on the table most of the time. I am writing this because, though I don't want to make the same life decisions that she has made I have found that I am doing the same thing she has done. She even pointed it out to me this afternoon on the phone which caused the Epiphany.
I will be 42 in 2 days, I have never had a relationship with anyone, I let my house stay dirty and use that as an excuse to not have people over, I spend money on food and then complain that I can't save any money because I will have to give it to my mom or whatever if I tried to save it anyway so what is the point? I stay obese because I see that I am a lot like my mom in my choices and believe that that makes me unlovable. My family has the victim mentality. We all want someone to solve our problems for us. We want someone else to be our emotional happiness.
You know what? That is impossible!!!!! The only one who can choose to make things different and who can solve our problems is us and only with the help of God. If I don't want to end up alone and afraid of life when I am older then I have to make the decision RIGHT NOW to make the changes that need to be done. If that, then, brings continued weight loss, financial stability and a better social life then that will be a great benefit but the most important thing will be that I am doing what God created me to do. I will be taking care of what he gave me both physically and materially (is that a word?).
So, for this minute I am going to choose to do what I need to do to get healthy and clean my house and if that brings people over then that will be great. I am scared and I know that this battle will be hard and I know that my mentality is what will hold me back. I pray that with God's help, I can do this and with your prayers I know it will work as well.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for eye opening moments. I know that I can't change mom and I pray for the strength to make it through the times when she rely's on me alone for her emotional and physical needs. I want to be a good daughter and a good help for her but I know that it is really hard when I don't see her wanting to do her part. Please help her to come to know you and want to seek you out. Thank you for not giving up on me or anyone else. I do love you and I know that I have a hard time showing it. I pray for the minute by minute strength it will take to make better choices and to not give up. Help me to be an example to not only mom but the rest of my family as well. In Jesus' Name, Amen
God Bless,
Karen
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Hard Workout = Good Feeling
Okay, I did pretty good eating yesterday. I went to the gym (not wanting to go) and decided I needed a new starting point. I had my measurements done and my weight (311 - not happy) and then Craig came by and asked me if I wanted a new card. I said yes. Not sure if that was the right decision (okay, it was but lets pretend).
I think his goal was to kill me. He came close. We did legs and I started off by holding a 50 lb cowbell and doing 4 sets of 15 squats and it just got worse from there. The final exercise (which happened while I could barely walk as it was) was to do leg presses with 100 lbs of weight. I knew my shoulders were involved but when I went home I realized that I have marks on my shoulders from the machines where it broke blood vessels!!!! It is pretty amusing. No one can say I didn't work out hard.
So, the moral of the story is that I am so sore today but I also feel good because I worked out harder than I have in a long time. If anyone wants to donate to the personal trainer fund I will be happy to accept. I seem to do much better when I have someone standing over me telling me to keep pushing.
Heavenly Father, thank you for the ability to exercise. Thank you for the trainers at the gym. Lord, I am going to be so sore today as it has already started but I trust that it will be a good sore. Help me to not give up when I am so sore. Help me to remember this feeling that I have when I do a hard workout - the feeling of doing something good. In Jesus' Name, Amen
God Bless,
Karen
I think his goal was to kill me. He came close. We did legs and I started off by holding a 50 lb cowbell and doing 4 sets of 15 squats and it just got worse from there. The final exercise (which happened while I could barely walk as it was) was to do leg presses with 100 lbs of weight. I knew my shoulders were involved but when I went home I realized that I have marks on my shoulders from the machines where it broke blood vessels!!!! It is pretty amusing. No one can say I didn't work out hard.
So, the moral of the story is that I am so sore today but I also feel good because I worked out harder than I have in a long time. If anyone wants to donate to the personal trainer fund I will be happy to accept. I seem to do much better when I have someone standing over me telling me to keep pushing.
Heavenly Father, thank you for the ability to exercise. Thank you for the trainers at the gym. Lord, I am going to be so sore today as it has already started but I trust that it will be a good sore. Help me to not give up when I am so sore. Help me to remember this feeling that I have when I do a hard workout - the feeling of doing something good. In Jesus' Name, Amen
God Bless,
Karen
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Sorry for the delay
Okay, it has been awhile since I have written. I am struggling a lot with this weight loss journey that I didn't want to bore you with more complaining.
I just wanted to tell you a little about what has been going on, non weight loss wise. I attend an amazing church with the most wonderful people I have ever met. I am so blessed with this. We started in February of 2008 planning a year long celebration for our 75th anniversary. I was on the committee so it has kept me busy. Last year I helped plan the kick-off lunch for the current members and attenders and then the carnival. I did a little with the concert and finally helped plan the lunch this past Sunday for around 350 people. What a crazy, busy blessing. I think my pastor and I emailed each other about 100 times in the last two weeks. (I might send him an email just to say hi - I feel lost). The entire service was amazing. We had a 2 hour service in the morning with special music from former members and a guest speaker for the message. The choir sang three songs and was blessed with brand new chairs!!! It was a true blessing.
Saturday I had the opportunity to go to a firearm class for Women at my friend, Kay's, shooting club. I got to shoot a .22 semi-automatic, a .38 and a .44 magnum with a scope!!! That was so much fun.
I took Monday and yesterday off of work and the only thing I did was clean my garage, play Wii with my nephews (I won golf but lost the other games) and went to the park with my neice, nephews and another little one that my friend, Polly, babysits. I actually swang on the swing. Haven't done that in years and it was fun. Polly, the kids and I went to a Mexican restaurant (we didn't remember it was Cinco de Mayo until we got there. Turned out to be appropriate to eat there). It was a great time.
So, that is what I have done. Have I gone to the gym since last Wednesday? No. I want to go tonight but my stomach is bothering me so I am not sure what will happen. I have also ran out of my anti-inflammitories so my entire body hurts.
Well, still having an enormously hard time getting back in to the weight loss. Still extremely frustrated with the entire thing and don't know what to do about it but just wanted to let you all know where I am at.
Thanks for praying. I know it helps. Please don't stop.
In Christ,
Karen
I just wanted to tell you a little about what has been going on, non weight loss wise. I attend an amazing church with the most wonderful people I have ever met. I am so blessed with this. We started in February of 2008 planning a year long celebration for our 75th anniversary. I was on the committee so it has kept me busy. Last year I helped plan the kick-off lunch for the current members and attenders and then the carnival. I did a little with the concert and finally helped plan the lunch this past Sunday for around 350 people. What a crazy, busy blessing. I think my pastor and I emailed each other about 100 times in the last two weeks. (I might send him an email just to say hi - I feel lost). The entire service was amazing. We had a 2 hour service in the morning with special music from former members and a guest speaker for the message. The choir sang three songs and was blessed with brand new chairs!!! It was a true blessing.
Saturday I had the opportunity to go to a firearm class for Women at my friend, Kay's, shooting club. I got to shoot a .22 semi-automatic, a .38 and a .44 magnum with a scope!!! That was so much fun.
I took Monday and yesterday off of work and the only thing I did was clean my garage, play Wii with my nephews (I won golf but lost the other games) and went to the park with my neice, nephews and another little one that my friend, Polly, babysits. I actually swang on the swing. Haven't done that in years and it was fun. Polly, the kids and I went to a Mexican restaurant (we didn't remember it was Cinco de Mayo until we got there. Turned out to be appropriate to eat there). It was a great time.
So, that is what I have done. Have I gone to the gym since last Wednesday? No. I want to go tonight but my stomach is bothering me so I am not sure what will happen. I have also ran out of my anti-inflammitories so my entire body hurts.
Well, still having an enormously hard time getting back in to the weight loss. Still extremely frustrated with the entire thing and don't know what to do about it but just wanted to let you all know where I am at.
Thanks for praying. I know it helps. Please don't stop.
In Christ,
Karen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)