Control

I can't wait for a year from now to look back on these posts and see how far I have come. For those who are keeping up with my weightloss I am not doing great right now. There are a lot of factors creating this problem but the biggest is just my attitude. I had started so postive and was doing so well but as you can see by my last few entries, I have turned pretty negative. I am praying about this and ask that you might pray as well.

I had written a post called control a few days ago and it never seemed to show up on the blog. Maybe God was telling me that it was something that didn't need to be out there?

Well, I will just say that when your life feels out of control that you try to control anything that you feel "bigger" than. For example, children. I love children and for the most part I think they feel the same about me but I do feel sometimes that I am WAY TO HARD on them. This stems from the fact that to me, my life is out of control and since children are smaller and easier to work with I tend to expect them to adhere to my wishes.

This is another area that I pray about. Letting go of the "control" of my life so that God can be the one in control. Children are learning and they need to have an adult to direct them. You can't let them run wild but I also need to ease up on them sometimes too. I need to let them be children. I do pray that through this past 40 year journey that I will be able to help children not go through what I have gone through. I wish that I could help every child to not have to deal with growing up obese.

I watched a reality show the other day which I had taped from earlier in the week and got so mad because there was a 16 year old young lady that had to have weighed 350 pounds. She was saying that she was doing the audition for herself and her mom who was in very poor health and not doing well. They showed the mom who was in a wheelchair with fulltime oxygen and probably weighed 500 or 600 pounds. I got so frustrated because I see that, though they love each other so very much, the young lady was suffering from this situation. I can't judge the family because that mom may have legitimate reasons for being obese but my initial thought, being an obese person myself, is that they need to change their eating habits. I don't know. It just broke my heart to see this young lady sobbing because she didn't do well on the audition. These are the people I want to be able to help but I have got to learn how to communicate with children in a way that won't do more hurt then good.

We will see, the Lord knows what He has planned and obviously He has kept me around children for over 28 years so I must not be doing too bad?

God bless,
Karen