Okay, I didn't make it but...

I really tried but the pull of the scale finally got to me. I almost made it. The good news is that I am at 88 pounds lost now!!!!

Sorry to those that were praying for me. I really tried.

Have a great weekend,
God Bless,
Karen

I almost broke...

I just need to thank my friend, Lisa. She saved me from the dreaded scale tonight. I broke down and started to get on the scale. She pushed me off of it then when I stepped back up again she covered the readout and pushed me off again.

Thanks for saving me. I only have 6 days to wait for the official weigh-in.

By the way, Craig is really looking forward to torturing us starting next week.

God Bless,
Karen

The Males in my life

I just have to tell you about 2 of the cutest males anyone could have in her life. One of them has been praying for me for the last week. The second one talked all day about me yesterday and couldn't wait to see me at church last night. Okay, so they are 3 and almost 3 respectivally but hey, it is still pretty cool. What more could someone ask for!!! Two amazing toddlers that are still working on talking and somehow I have made enough of an impact to have them ask about me and pray for me.

Thanks Carter and Micah. I love you both very much.

God Bless,
"Aunt" Karen

It's a New Day

Didn't want to leave you all thinking that the defeatest attitude has continued. Between writing the previous post, talking to one lady at work, talking to a couple of ladies at the gym, Gretchen from Minnesota and more importantly, God, I woke up with a much better attitude this morning.

THANK YOU ALL WHO WERE USED BY GOD!!!!!

God Bless,
Karen

P.S. In a side note, I did not get on the scale tonight. One day down, 13 more to go. (I am trying to not weigh again until the day of the Biggest Loser)

A defeatist's attitude

About 15 years ago I had started losing weight and had almost reached the 300 pound mark. I was a few pounds away. Then I gained it all back and an additional 50 pounds to reach my starting weight of this current journey.

Well, I am struggling again. I am almost at the 300 pound mark and today I told someone that mentally I just want to quit. I don't think I will but just having that feeling is really messing with my mind. I didn't do great again this weekend and have actually put on about 5 pounds. Instead of losing weight I am going backwards and it doesn't really take much for me to gain that weight.

One of the things I need to do is stay away from the scale. If I can do that until my birthday then maybe I will surprise myself.

Even trying on my "before" jeans and being able to take them off without unbuttoning them didn't excite me that much. Boy am I in a HUGE RUT.

Well, that's all since I don't want to cry at work and my eyes are tearing up from frustration.

God bless,
Karen

Just touching base

It's funny how God can do something to stop a person from messing up. I was going for my daily walk/soda/end up with food run on Wednesday and as I passed my General Manager's office the HR Director came out and said that the admin and he were talking about me. I asked what about and he said about how good I am doing on losing this weight and everything. Then I went on down to one of the little shops in the food court area and one of the sales clerks who I have known for several years mentioned that he really noticed the changes in me and how well I was doing. As he was saying this I was looking at the candy. So I threw up my hands and looked up and said, "fine, I get your point, I will not eat candy today" God brought two very nice people to remind me of the hard work He and I have accomplished so that I didn't mess it up.

It's ashame I didn't listen yesterday. Let's just say sometimes I use the excuse of being a female to give me a reason to severly overeat!!! Yesterday I ended my day by eating a greek salad that could have fed three people, a fruit cup that 2 people could have eaten and a Michaelna's speghetti for dinner, left my second job, went and worked out and then promptly left there and stopped at KFC!!!! Got a chicken breast meal with green beans and cole slaw and demolished the chicken and biscuit (I never eat their biscuits), ate 1/2 the green beans and 3/4 of the cole slaw. This was all at 9:30pm last night!!!

The question is why?

God Bless,
Karen

A Little Insight

Okay, another new eye-opening moment. If you know me well then you know my history. If you don't I will give you a quick overview:

My parents seperated when I was 7 months old, divorced when I was 1 1/2 and mom, my brother and I moved to Central Ohio when I was 5. In the time I was still in Dayton I saw my dad some but his new wife didn't like my brother and I. When I was 8 he came up to visit us for Christmas (the "new" wife was out of the picture by then) and stayed for a little while. The day after Christmas we took him to a little airport near my old house and he hugged us, kissed us, told us he would write and call as often as he could and then got in his little airplane and I never heard from him again until I was 25. I found him, wrote a letter, he wrote back once and that was it. So, 15 years later I have not heard from him again.

Okay, so why, you ask, did I explain all of that to you? Well, a lot of my struggle with my weight has to do with his promises and ultimate rejection. I have closed myself off from letting people get close to me so that they can't hurt and abandon me like the one person I was supposed to trust did.

So, onto my next revel. I LOVE TO READ. Are you wondering where I am going with this? Well, I will explain. I read Christian Romance Novels. I take them everywhere with me. I have one in my purse at all times. I even read at stoplights if I know the timing. Well, I was at work tonight and reading my latest novel and came across a paragraph that ties these two ramblings together. It is from a book by author Irene Brand and called "Made for Each Other". I will write the paragraph below and you will see the eye opening event for me.

Jesus had been rejected over and over, yet He had perserved and hadn't closed His heart to other people because His own family and peers wouldn't accept Him.

See where I am going with this? So many people rejected Christ and yet He still loved us enough to die on a cross for us. Yes, I have been rejected by some very important people in my life but I HAVE NOT been rejected by a lot more people then have rejected me. It has taken me 40 years to see this. But the biggest thing is that even if I am rejected by everyone here on earth (Lord willing that will never happen but...) I will NEVER be rejected by Christ!!!! He loves me no matter what happens here. That knowledge brings me to humble tears!!!

Thank you God for loving me. Thank you for showing me your love through your son and through those you have brought into my life when I open my eyes and accept that love.

God bless,
Karen

Weekend Frustration Continued

Okay. So if anyone from the gym reads this blog I need to apologize. I went in with a seriously bad attitude!!! They are so nice and tried to tell me that sometimes I will have bad weekends and things like that and of course my pouty little bad attitude showed it's ugly little head. It had nothing to do with them. It was all about me being my own worst enemy.

I did make some okay choices this weekend so I didn't go completely overboard but I continue to dwell on the negative choices I made.

So, if you go to the gym with me and got to experience my pouty winey self last night I truly apologize!!! I am working, with God's help, on this situation. You guys are amazing and I am so blessed to have you in my life and even though you don't know it, He is using you to make a great impact on me.

God Bless,
Karen

Why are weekends so hard

Okay. I know that I have posted my struggle about eating on Sundays. The thing I can't figure out is why I feel the need to overeat on the weekends all together? I take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. (I know, I am still gaining a step but...). Friday night I ate a salad from Subway at 5pm then after I got off work at 7pm I was driving around. I was driving around and about 8pm or so I stopped and got a cheeseburger and fries. Now, did I need that? No!!! Was I hungry? No!!! I was feeling sorry for myself because I was spending, yet again, another Friday night alone. So I prayed and mentioned to God that I was so tired of spending Friday and Saturday nights alone. 5 minutes later my friend, Tiffany, called and invited me to her house to hang out with some people for awhile.

Then Saturday I got up and went to the Zumbathon at the gym. I attempted to do Zumba for 2 hours to raise money for Breast Cancer research. For breakfast I had a granola bar. Then I had some fruit after we were done. But then... I got lunch around 2pm at a mexican restaurant. Now, did I pick a low-fat fajita meal or something? No, I ordered the 4 enchilada meal. Now, I did leave off the sour-cream and only ate 4 chips with salsa but... So, thinking that would be the overeating of the day I went about my business. Well, my friend Gina and I went to see a movie (Made of Honor which was pretty good) and I promptly ate 1/2 of a bag of movie popcorn with butter. Okay, do you think I stopped there? No, after the movie, since I didn't consider popcorn to be dinner food, I stopped at Wendy's and ordered the Jr. Cheeseburger Deluxe with just onion and light ketchup, a $1.00 fry and a large diet coke. When I got home they had given me the bacon cheeseburger without the cheese and no onion. Of course I ate it all at 9:30pm.

So, my Saturday is done. Did I learn my lesson? No. Sunday arrives and I eat a bowl of Total with Cranberries in Skim Milk for breakfast. Not bad but for lunch Heidi, Penny and I go to Olive Garden. Now I did order the low-fat pasta pomadora thingy and only ate 1/2 of it but that is because I ate the breadstick and a small plate of salad smothered in their Italian Dressing and some parmesan cheese. Then, of course, my "on my way to church" dinner stop had to take place at 4:30pm. I stopped at White Castle and got a bag of fries (normally I get a small but I accidentally ordered the bag and did I only eat a few? No, I polished off the bag) and (2) cheeseburgers with no pickles and a large diet coke. Then I went to church and after that we went to Polly's and I had (2) pieces of pizza, a breadstick and tiny bite of a brownie.

Okay, so back to my original question. Why do I overeat on the weekends?

Please pray for this situation. I know that I have to give myself some slack or I will completely go off the wagon but I also need to be more careful. Yes, there are things in the above that I did make okay choices on and I did walk around my community twice yesterday so I probably walked off one of the breadsticks but it is just so frustrating.

Thanks for listening.
God Bless,
Karen

Still going strong

I have been to the gym Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday so far. There is a new program and so Craig is setting this up for me. It is pretty intense. You do legs one day, cardio and abs the second day and upper body the third day then you repeat. The problem is that Craig knows what I can do so he is not going easy on these workouts. He had me doing an incline of 10 and speed of 3.5 (I had to adjust that down during it...) and going for 12 minutes. Then we did a bunch of ab stuff then another 10 minutes on the treadmill. Then more abs. I lost 2 pounds during that workout!!!!

So, I guess I am still pretty excited. I have 16 pounds to go to reach the 100 pound mark from October 4th and 7 pounds to reach the 100 pound overall. I have 41 days to accomplish this. Should be doable.

Hopefully I get to go to the gym tonight after work. Saturday is a Zumba marathon.

God Bless,
Karen